Sometimes...

I don't expect people to actually read nor care about this post, I just want to randomly write my feelings here.

Me as a person, feel incredibly happy. I could never be happier, actually I'm getting my doses of happiness even more everyday. That is thanks to the wonderful people I have beside me today and the ones to come.

Me as a artist... Horrible, for many my art its a gift and awesome talent. I'm grateful to life to have giving me the opportunity to be the artist I am. But as a greedy person I am, I feel so downward on the road of continuing with grace and so belittling myself of my own talent. I make no sense on that sentence, I know that. But that's the feeling I get. I get so frustrated that at times I want to erase everything I got put up in the internet and never grab a pencil, pen, tablet in my life. At times I end up in tears. Then suddenly I make something amazing, its gets me going happily on my road for better peace of mind, then my art block strikes again and I don't want and or struggle a lot to finish old project or try to make new ones. Yes I draw porn, so what, even that its difficult for me when I'm like that. I think I'm letting people down and myself even deeper on the hole. For example right now... I just wanna sick to the bottom of the ocean. I see artist better and worst than me... not making me happy; Even though I know they have also struggle with the same situations, but with their results it seems like that was nothing...

I know its nothing to cry about, yet its a horrible feeling...

Discussion with Thyself

Sometimes in life we made choices that could fuck up everything. The way you play out your cards may be difficult. But if you can should with reasoning and not with what seems best as the first choice, can really do one wrong and can at times ruined something good. Play your cards right and have a happy life!

Moral of the blog: "Don't be an idiot"

Would you forgive me... I just stepped on you heart and we are still friends

So yeah... recently a person close to me decided to reveal its true colors.

Bitch should bury his face, but still handles the world with chin as high and its ego.Play with me, with its last girlfriend and my best friends feelings. Me I don't really care, for a time now I have already lost faith in this person and the respect I totally discard after the incident. Still this person lied to everyone around him and some of the individuals caught in this ordeal still talk to it. I don't give a shit about him anymore, you of all people, I never though you could actually sell yourself out so low and become what you preach to be bad excuse of a man. If he ever see this blog post, I'm happy for it.

I really cared for him, loved him with all my heart and it saddens me that I still do. He was one of my closest and lovable friend. How could have you done something like so? How can you live with your own self conscience? I really do hope I could and can one day forgive you for what you have done. I really do hope God can forgive you for such a thing and that the self confidence you got on yourself never wares out.

In other news... the pic above its how i portrait this guy! :)

Look out for the Blah Blah Blah!!

oh CHARLIE~~!!!

me be tired now. Been checking some art and design college over the internet on PA, Still dont know if im heading over there to study. I starting in my own little tropical island to study this, but i think i have better chance on the States. The have the BIG companies there!! :O

Kinda tired of updating But i wont STOP!!! i will post, post and POST!!

Love ya all!! :D

uuuuhhhg RANT

That's For now!! Dont get me wring, there a lot of images need to be put up!! im just tired for the day!! is kinda like 2 am in the morning i should be sleeping!! I have like 180 images left to put, and like 100 or 200 something images separately from my gaia accounts that i have made so far!! and the new ones im making!! YAYs for progress!!

RANT:

I have no job with it sucks and struggling with my own feeling after the Current Events going on in my life right now!!

No JOB is like the first, meaning no money to do any shit i wanna do, like buying new clothes, or just fooling around buying stuff i dont really need but just enjoy having like MANGA and Anime DVD's or games, which i have to buy a console first since i sold mine to my friend cuz i needed money!! F**K anyways, continue

FAMILY currently suck ass!! My sister and her children are a pain in the nugget of internal organs!! I just wann beat the Shoot out of her!!! and My parent do shit about it!! with it sucks ass!!

Im SINGLE, which it hurts like crap, ex decided to finally ended after i have struggle for 2 years and 3 month to make it work after a series of event I'm not going to rant about now or ever. "And just having the time of my life hanging around in my room". Friends are Lovable but is still hard for me!! Love you GUYS!!!!

Current Computer could be better!! i have a monitor that turns yellow for some reason at times, have to hit it hard to get back again to its normal state, MY computer needs a better memory, i mean larger!! i have only a 512 working one!! which sucks the life out of me when i wanna use photoshop!! but still work, SLOWLY, but works!! is not helping me progress as much!!

NEED NEW GLASSES!! imma go blind if i continue, but going back NO JOB, means NO MONEY, getting me to NO NEW GLASSES. Sucks to be me!! >O

Also need money to buy my new stuff for the NEW period of my live call COLLEGE!! is YAY for me!! im happy about it!! but suck not having any money and the freaking college been so freaking again from me!! >OOO AAHHHHH!!! but im happy for myself there!! :DD

ok ENDs of RANT!!

oooohh that felt good!! YAYs for me!!!