Sometimes...

I don't expect people to actually read nor care about this post, I just want to randomly write my feelings here.

Me as a person, feel incredibly happy. I could never be happier, actually I'm getting my doses of happiness even more everyday. That is thanks to the wonderful people I have beside me today and the ones to come.

Me as a artist... Horrible, for many my art its a gift and awesome talent. I'm grateful to life to have giving me the opportunity to be the artist I am. But as a greedy person I am, I feel so downward on the road of continuing with grace and so belittling myself of my own talent. I make no sense on that sentence, I know that. But that's the feeling I get. I get so frustrated that at times I want to erase everything I got put up in the internet and never grab a pencil, pen, tablet in my life. At times I end up in tears. Then suddenly I make something amazing, its gets me going happily on my road for better peace of mind, then my art block strikes again and I don't want and or struggle a lot to finish old project or try to make new ones. Yes I draw porn, so what, even that its difficult for me when I'm like that. I think I'm letting people down and myself even deeper on the hole. For example right now... I just wanna sick to the bottom of the ocean. I see artist better and worst than me... not making me happy; Even though I know they have also struggle with the same situations, but with their results it seems like that was nothing...

I know its nothing to cry about, yet its a horrible feeling...